Dealing with an alcoholic family member

Thanks guys. All helpful suggestions. Do let me know a good therapist/physcatrist. We had taken him to a NeuroPhyscatry hostpital and consult a physcatrist. the doc seemed to be a guy who would hep more on a physical problems of the brain rather than the mental problems.His brother said the session helped but he never continued. We need someone who can really grill and get to the bottom of his problems and make him realize his folly.
 
Also what I would like to suggest is have someone be there for moral support. This is necessary at timee and this person should have patience and should know when to be strict and when to be loving. Ideally a person living with them is more suitable like brother / sister / parents.
Also try to break the news to the parents as softly as you can. Trust me they deserve to know about their kid. Put yourself in their shoes and think weather you would like to be informed or not. Also parents know their kids very thoroughly, assuming he was brought up by them.

All through out the process do try to keep tabs on him. Relapse occurs.. even to the best of the people. Only the true strong ones survive the fight !!
 
From someone who had a same problem with a close family member, who has since passed away, I can assure you that he needs a BIG change in his life. There is no other way. Marriage would be a solution but it'l be a big ask for your family if the wife isnt supportive.

Here's my advice -
1) Get him to work in a known person's establishment. Guilt him, or do whatever needs to be done. Money should not be an object here. This is best done by a person who is VERY convincing, yet firm and doesn't let go on one try. These are generally people who haggle even after the shopkeeper says there is no chance of any discount. Once the person sees that, they do let go a bit. This person will have to be on his case ALL the time.

2) The only way is to tell them that its for his own good. That you aren't trying to stop him from drinking but trying to make sure he doesnt over do. A good way to do that is to get decent quality alcohol in bulk and keep it in the house and give him say thrice a week for free.

3) Marriage- This is a very risky proposition, but a good wife can turn things around. In our case it turned out to be the opposite, he was already married, but i'm hoping if you/family members take the lead on this and show him only candidates YOU have spoken to and know to be good, this can really turn out good. Remember you want someone who works with YOU on the issue and not with him.

4) Get him back into the Family - If he stays aloof, its a good idea to get him to do family things. The shame and pity makes them run away, if you can get them into the family, do things together like eating breakfast, lunch and dinner together while watching their favorite movie or show or whatever he likes.

4) Inspiration - You need someone to inspire him into working, rediscovering himself. 35 is not exactly old or anything. People have founded world class businesses at much later ages. So a person who is skilled or a program in the city works very well. These are generally business coaches etc and they can really turn things around too.

5) Constant medical checkups- needs no saying you need to constantly get doctors to reinforce to him as their professional opinion that his health is being affected due to the alcohol. Consult the doctor alone, a friend perhaps and tell them when you do come over he could perhaps scare the person just slightly. He doesnt need to convince him, just looking at the xray and say, its a bit smoky, generally seen in patients with liver problems, I hope you take care cause if this problem escalates, the further life expectancy can be just 1-2years. That should really provide a lot more motivation

The point is to tackle the problem at the root which is low self esteem or maybe self pity. Its better to see an understanding professional who works with other alcoholics. Meet with them alone, share his life, his problems, his behaviors and ask him what the reason could be. You can also just invite him to the house on some pretext and stage a dinner or something to get him to talk to him. If he is a professional he'l generally get things out without much effort. This might also take a bit of ground work. Like if he eats alone, insisting he starts eating with the family and after a few weeks get the professional home for lunch or dinner. Again the same person above can be convincing and firm about it.

Lastly, there is no one way. I know for a fact that the problem can be contained and I am sure you guys will be able to get him back on track. The point is to be very very very patient (1-3 years), firm and tolerant about it. Also talk to a doctor who deals with Cirrhosis of the Liver
http://www.webmd.com/digestive-disorders/cirrhosis-liver Thats what causes blood vomiting and basically the big thing to look out for.

Remember you are setting him up for a personal revolution, you need to be extremely patient and also firm. Any friends or family that supports him need to be dealt with together. Guilt them into not supporting him in any harmful way. Be tactful not emotional.
 
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