Dealing with an alcoholic family member

raptor3624

raptor3624

Adept
A friend has turned alcoholic. I was in denial for the past few years. I know he still is. It is causing a lot of trouble to his younger brother.His parents are yet to find out about it. I know that my friend has to come clean to his parents about his brother and get it all in the open so that they could deal with it.

Problem is how to deal with it. Can someone mention any good therapist in bangalore who deals with such a problem? LAso are there any good books that you may have run into, that could eb sueful to my frined. he is trying to find ways to deal the problem with himself before he cuases anquish and trouble to the aged parents. My friend's brother doesn't have a job. He has very low self confidence and is extremely self conscious. He is very soft hearted and has failed in many jobs. There is also a hint of failure in lovelife but is not confirmed. We dont know what the truth is about the lovelife as he never shares. All this trouble is huge on anyone's mind and I can understand that why the person has turned alcoholic. But His brother, his friends and his parents including other relatives all want to help him with the job and a good life. He is 35 but refused to marry because he claims he wont be able to support his wife(if he had one) with his parent's money. Also it is an ego issue obviously.

My friend's brother has been diagnoesed with a liver disease which is at a starting stage. But the drinking is still hapenening although once every few days. He doesn't take the medication seriously.

Do any of you guys provide any quality input to this problem? Any leads towards any professional help?
 
First off, sorry To hear this, it can be very stressful for the family.

What is the status of the afflicted person? Is he willing to change? Is he willing to face himself and his problems? From what little knowledge I do have about addiction, I can tell you that all is for naught unless the person themselves is willing to change.

Having said the, almost every hospital will have a specialist psychiatry consultation where you can be directed to more focused help. There are also NGOs that do this sort of work. The toughest part will not be de-addiction, but rehabilitation. Your friend sounds like a depressive personality with some mild form of mania. This is not a good combination, and relapses can be very easily triggered by the real world, once he returns to it. Hence commitment is necessary from his side as well.

Now once you get his assent, you need to visit a hospital and get symptomatic treatment for all the immediate symptoms. There is some corrective action that needs to be taken upfront in terms of liver treatment, and obviously while this is going on alcohol is medically forbidden. This is a dangerous phase because the patient tends to think that hiatus is temporary. Deaddiction needs to start immediately as advised by the doctors.

Good Luck and do report on progress.
 
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Thanks cracnky. Status is ok. Healthwise generally he is able to do daily activities. But since past 1 year, his hands shiver. I dont know whether that is due to his urge to drink or that he is away from alcohol at that moment or both. The day he was taken to the hospital, he vomited many times. Thats when he mentioned that said he wants to quit.
He has never admitted that he has a drinking problem and is still in denial. So the question of changing doesn't arrive. He doesn't see the problems which are being caused to his family due to the behaviour.
 
I have got no ideas about therapists but if i were in your place then i would deal with him strongly and ask him to leave alcohol once and for all and face the problems like a man. I doubt he will get good proposals if goes on drinking sprees regularly.
 
Depends how you define alcoholic. The AMA defines alcoholic as someone that needs a drink or two every day.

That definition would be scoffed at as loads of people have a drink or two every day. The question of whether they need it or not isn't really considered.
 
letmein said:
Terrible advice IMO. He'll likely get defensive and be drawn more towards alcohol.
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Pleading, crying, threatening, talking politely in a sesnsible way about the past and future, throwing things, breaking things.... almost everything has been done with no result. Short of hitting him and pushing him out of thehouse.. almost everything.
 
blr_p said:
Depends how you define alcoholic. The AMA defines alcoholic as someone that needs a drink or two every day.

That definition would be scoffed at as loads of people have a drink or two every day. The question of whether they need it or not isn't really considered.
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Drinking almost every alternate day. Almost a full bottle on Sat and Sunday together. It's become a habit. He drinks around 6. Has dinner and sleeps at 7 or 8 PM. Yes, thats how early he sleeps. He has no hobbies. Even that has been encouraged. I myself have encourage him to read books, get a library membership, learn guitar etc and keep his mind busy and dont think about job or anything bad in his past.
 
6pack said:
Edit: Sorry, I mean did he vomit blood due to the liver disease?
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No. He did not vomit blood thankfully. but he has developed gastro problems because the type of alcohol is also cheap. he goes to a cheap road side bar and drinks whisky which costs may be 50 bucks for 1 large drink. Thats easily afforable. Half the times, such alcohol even if it is Royal Stag or such kinds is of questionable quality. And not to forget the biryani and stuff one ends up eating at such bars and restaurants.
And now, the liver disease. The Gastroenterologist has strictly asked him stop drinking alcohol at which he agreed. he had also precribed a tablet which would reduce the urge to drink. I dont know how that works but thats what is prescribed.
 
puns said:
http://www.aagsoindia.org/location.htm Alcoholics Anonymous. I suggest visiting one and speak to the experts there and then take a course of action based on their suggestions.
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Thanks. I have been researching about this and intend to tell my friend about such place. May be tag along with them.

My research on google resulted in a few newspaper articles where it was quoted that almost 50% of such centers were run without license. And that patients were abused and asked to do menial work and thraetened to give shocks and bad medicine etc. Thats real scary. My friend is scared to admit his brother in such a place.
 
Not sure if helpful but they get those medicines or powder which one can mix with food (like dal etc) and that reduces the craving for alcohol ?
Not sure if it actually works.
 
raptor3624 said:
He has never admitted that he has a drinking problem and is still in denial. So the question of changing doesn't arrive. He doesn't see the problems which are being caused to his family due to the behaviour.
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This is what you have to deal with first. The best help in the world will not matter otherwise.
 
letmein said:
Terrible advice IMO. He'll likely get defensive and be drawn more towards alcohol.
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Exactly, the exact opposite approach is required.

Love, understanding and tons of patience. No compulsion, forcing etc.

Not possible to kick this on his own, requires help from others, his family.

You have to basically do the ground work to get him to admit there is a problem, this can take a while. Once that hurdle is crossed then you get into how to deal with it.
 
Some times you have to be strict with loved ones simply because we care for them. They may hate you for being strict now, but they will thank you later. I know because i have learnt the hard way. I have lost a loved one to tobacco.
 
I would suggest an intervention where people are both a little strict and supportive. Please contact a psychiatrist and maybe he can tell you people how to arrange an intervention. Everything else can be tackled later. First thing you need is to let him know that you guys are affected and worried and also willing to support and work with him through all this. Then if that works you have to be there at all times without sounding critical. Hobbies are good distractions but I would suggest some sports activities that you guys can go for together instead of reading etc which people tend to do alone. Basically after his admittance you guys have to be always there to ensure he doesn't slip.
 
Brings back memories of a family member who went down that horrid path only to never return. Please don't mind me saying this but am glad your friend is not married/has kids at this stage as things become unbelievably difficult then. The said family member's wife raised their daughter on her own and today the girl is about to get married after landing a well-paying job through campus placements. All this while the father's living a meaningless life in some part of the country working and drinking off what he earns by doing off jobs. My family tried the carrot and stick approach as well as a more loving and kinder method but none worked. Their biggest mistake was not getting professional help. In spite of what your friend eventually chooses for his brother, professional help/counseling is extremely important!
 
Psychiatrists handle drug dependence problems and alcohol addiction comes under it. Try to make him consult one. They provide counselling and medication both of which are required, and patients generally open up to them. tell your friend to seek consultation at least once and later decide if to continue the visits or not. one visit can do no harm..but do enquire about a good psychiatric counsellor once before sending him to one.
 
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