Money dealings with friends

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Cloud-S

Adept
In short, its a headache. Should be avoided.

I lend some money to a friend, and I am repenting over it. He just keeps skipping, giving excuses like, "Next week, festival ki shopping karni hai". He actually said that. He is a friend, so I cannot even be total serious or anything. This is the headache. I cannot say to him that I'll file an FIR or something. Not that he is not going to pay be back but when is the question.

Any of one dealt with some similar situation?
 
AsidXxx said:
How much has he borrowed? If you dont mind sharing. Approach his parents if required.
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20k, though he had returned like half of it and saying he can return 2k in next 3 days and the remaining after Diwali. Although he agreed that he'll return the total sum before Diwali, while borrowing.
I can try reaching his parents, but its a shame that people don't value their words.
Should I give him more time (after Diwali as he is saying) or should I force it on him now? I do feel bad forcing him.
 
has happnd to me in business bro i trusted a friend gave him credit of rs 35k thn he tells me are mere side se gadbad hogaya kaam main so cant pay u .. its been 3yrs now finally his parents r convinced n started paying me in installments but that too aftr lot of pains ..goin to his office 14kms away frm my home ..must have gone to his office atleast 100 times in 3yrs ... he stays near my house but says official talks not at home sorry :(
 
girish925 said:
has happnd to me in business bro i trusted a friend gave him credit of rs 35k thn he tells me are mere side se gadbad hogaya kaam main so cant pay u .. its been 3yrs now finally his parents r convinced n started paying me in installments but that too aftr lot of pains ..goin to his office 14kms away frm my home ..must have gone to his office atleast 100 times in 3yrs ... he stays near my house but says official talks not at home sorry :(
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So did you asked him to pay the interest to the sum, as the delay is huge.
 
Money dealings involving relatives and friends is always tricky. I only lend if I think it is an amount that I am ok with never being returned. I just consider it helping a friend/relative. It also helps that thinking that way, you will only lend to people you trust and only an amount that you can afford.
 
that was the same piece of advice given to me, lend only so much people which you be fine with if its not returned, money kills friendships badly
 
I had once lent some 50K to a friend in office and i know he is a good guy and fortunately he did as he promised, returned me the 50K in 5 installments of 10K per month. But yes my father has had bad experiences while lending to other people and imagine the case where this one guy has taken money and returns very less and the installments are far far away but still asks more money. I have strictly instructed my dad not to give a single paise any more.

The thing is when a close friend asks you money, you are in catch 22 situation where you find yourself unable to refuse.
 
Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry - Shakespeare
 
I have said it before, give financial help to a friend in need without any expectation of getting it back. If they want to give it back, then good, but even if he/she doesn't it won't matter because you never treated it as a loan. If you don't see the need to help or don't want to help for whatever reason, then respectfully decline. If he/she really considers you a friend then he/she would understand and it won't sour your friendship. If he/she shuns you over such a reason, then he/she never considered you a real friend in the first place and it doesn't really matter if you loose such friends and it would any day be better than losing them after they take your money.
 
As said by peeps here.Lent as if the money wont come back.

My personal experience. Have sold my comp parts to friend say 2k,3k 5k and so on.They returned back after 2-3 months.But once i gave a pc for 7k to very close friend and the guy after 3 months calls and say collect 2k installment (as i was out of town) I fix it for next month.That month haven't come from past 6 years.We use to roam around in my society but after this deal he never ever made a visit to my place.Though he had time to make trip to Ladak and post its picts on FB.

Though he invited me on his wedding reception again i was caught in something but than also he never mail back for the sum.

So its better to always lent as if you forget the sum.

As someone said you can also ask for collateral.But if the sum is not big and friend ask for small sum tell him to ask part with you,part with other person.Also if possible always lent in front of 2-3 common friends.As because while asking back they can always pester or let you know the person situation.

Also i have a shop and believe me when one ask for lending i myself become a stubborn idiot.

My father has been lending money to people in business as well as giving material on lending.

First on lending materials in business.Lender are such A@$#% that once they get it they stop visiting the shop and buy from other or what they do is they say being such a big shot why you asking such small sum,or even they say you people dont have heart and blood suckers who cry for paltry sum.They also are such that they say you give the material to the tempo guy and they will bring the money in reverse trip while delivering the goods .And they dont pay simply say some other lender took the money before delivery happen.Keep the goods.EIther they part 1k per month whereas the material was worth 21k.Or some simply dont pay.Make the visit to shop and again take material on lend sayng will pay tomorrow as son/daughter/wife ill and again same story continues.Have almost have a book of 300-400 lenders name right down from 1988 to 2012 with a loss of 2 lakh to 4 lakh loss in materials.

Now coming for lending money.Dad have almost lost 3-4 L.One person close in our religion 2.5 lakh sum at 1.5% rate.And use to pay interest for 6-8 months.Than he said for 3 months he is going to his hometown and will repay once back.Later we came to know he sold his assets and got good sum almost 80L-90L.And left with his son in law to AFRICA.From past 18 months we have no idea about his whereabout(the person) though the person wife and child are here.But we dont wanted to be that stubborn on family members and just inform to tell the guy to contact us and that guy have taken time till diwali to pay principal via call.But still we dont have any news yet.

Another chap also took some 1.5L and now he is paralyzed.Hence there is no point asking the sum.

So in short there is always risk of loosing principal.Hence always lent according o risk appetite and also be ready to accept loss and dont waste much time on such issues.
 
Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.

Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 3 - William Shakespeare
​
 
Money Money Money, Must be Funny.. When you lose a sh*tload..

Luckily I've never been caught in a situation like this.
As with many cases mentioned, my dad lost quite a bit of money by lending to family members.
One relative even gave a letter stating how much he'd borrowed, what he was using the investment for, interest and time-frame in which he'd pay back. This was 22 years ago. His business flopped.

My policies
1) Never lend unless he/she(?)
a) is really close
b) is really in need of the money (medical, emergency, etc. and not so he can buy a mobile for himself/gf)
c) has the ability to earn and pay back the money, and NOT have a 'borrow from Peter to pay Paul' mentality.
2) Make sure the repayment schedule is quick.
3) Relatives, usually have lesser brains and will want money to run a business with some fantastic business plan. Strict no-no.
4) The money you give should not seem substantial to you. Follow the Gujju policy (I think) which is, if money is lent, it is immediately by default considered a loss of the same. If it comes back to you, consider a bonus.
5)Always have at least 5 excuses ready to be given: e.g., I have huge student loans, money is tied up in the stock market, etc.


blkrb0t said:
Neither a borrower nor a lender be,
For loan oft loses both itself and friend,
And borrowing dulls the edge of husbandry.

Hamlet, Act 1, Scene 3 - William Shakespeare
​
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I guess SkyNet doesn't get updated forum posts. :p The quote has already been mentioned a few posts above :p
 
It is money in a black hole. Seriously.

1. Lent 15K to a close relative, three years back. Never got it back. He avoids me, and does not pick my calls. And is quite elder to me, so it is a sad situation.
2. Lent 80K to a cousin brother once, got it in measly installments over a period of 10 months.

Just avoid it, and say "even I am in the dire straits". I do that upfront.
 
whatsinaname said:
Money dealings involving relatives and friends is always tricky. I only lend if I think it is an amount that I am ok with never being returned. I just consider it helping a friend/relative. It also helps that thinking that way, you will only lend to people you trust and only an amount that you can afford.
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That was exactly what my grandfather used to say. One of his friend's son asked for a (princely, in the early 1970s) sum of Rs 5,000 saying that it was urgently needed for his father's treatment. My grandfather relented and paid and he was quite clear about this to everyone in our house that he did not expect to see that money back.


Fast-forward 5 years, he had not still received the money and that family used to avoid meeting him socially in the first 2-3 years; out of embarrassment I guess. They had moved out of the city around 1-2 years back. So my grandfather totally forgot about it. A few months later, there was a cash crunch in the house and he didn't have the cash for it and couldn't opt for a loan since he was already paying a huge house loan. Out of nowhere, the guy who had borrowed the money appears with the entire Rs 30000 and apologises profusely for the past years. Needless to say, it was almost a miracle to get the money back.. and that too when it was needed the most.

My grandfather was definitely relieved but he instilled in all of us that you should only lend money when you are able to survive without it.
 
Thank goodness I do not have such friends! Apologies if it sounded rude but somehow my friends always make it a point to pay back in due time.

I recall I was admitted to the hospital last year in an emergency (typhoid attack with a sudden rise in body temperature followed by severe body pain, diarrhoea, nausea - in short HELL!) and had the wallet left at the workplace. My roomie paid all the hospital and medical bills amounting to over 20k over a period of a week. I repaid him after I was discharged and was taking rest at home. When I was hospitalised, he never insisted on getting my wallet from the office or something like that. It really pays to have a good and caring friend during hard times like these. I still owe him a lot! (not money lol). :p
 
i had lend 7k to a friend to get upgrade his phone.he promised to give by in 2-3 months but in 20 days flat he lost the phone.
i know im not getting it back.
i also have helped one another friend by paying his installments,he was prompt in repaying.that was until he got married and things went astray.

i guess like many shared here,pay,if you can afford to lose it.
be happy if they return.
to be frank i have been lucky,as i have got mutli-fold returns from elsewhere when i give,whole heatedly.

the worst part is,a poor man can say he is poor,but its very hard to believe that a well off man is poor or cash strapped!!no one believes you!thats my case.
 
fortunately i've good friend(s) then.. though my story might be not relevant here, but still thought of sharing :) I've got 5L from a close friend around 3 years back with the promise of paying back everymonth 25K. But i never paid back and he never asked too.. until 2 months back, he reminded me indirectly saying.. i'm booking a house, so much as i'm trying to reduce my bank loan :). In last 2 months paid back 4L, in this 2L i got from another friend saying same story.. will pay back by paying 25K everymonth :p
 
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